His Footsteps .
When I look behind He Is Not There For Me .
I feel cold.
It's a leap year today, hoho. I heard from Dan & Young that in Ireland, it's cool for a woman to propose to a guy on 29th of February. Cool, but it'll hurt the the guy's ego.
Chatted with Maryam yesterday over the phone for about an hour. Laughed for about every three minutes. She sounds like a guy over the phone.
I'm really tired with this barrier we're having.
I just want to say we shouldn't carry on like this anymore,
And I'll see you around and I'll smile a tight smile &
It'll be one of those mutual communications.
But then I glance back again,
And I'm ashamed at myself for leaving you
Pathetic and alone
On the cold, hard floor of stolen innocence.
9:32 AM
what the hell is fucking wrong with admiring them.
If only all of you could feel the same way.
I wouldn't have to be so cautious of the footsteps
I leave behind.
6:58 PM
Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame. But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same.
Why say the things that you want to say,
do the things that you want to do,
be the things that you want to be,
when you're
Just a lie
to me in the first place?
Why say the things that you want to say,
do the things that you want to do,
be the things that you want to be,
when you're
Just a lie
to me in the first place?
1:34 PM
platoon mate love. }
one of those exclusive posts where I write possibly everything about my day,ahah(:
bear it.
Went army-market shopping today, after lots of complications in school, like losing my temporary ez-link card.hoho. I'm getting forgetful.
Raqibah's not in the picture but she looks like some I/C now after she cut her fringe. Especially when she pins it up. ahah(: If she sees this, she's gonna kill me,yo.But they could be related,with their similarities:
1)They both were from tps.
2)They cut their fringe from the same salon.
3)They both live in the same estate.
;D
This post is just so all-about-my-life.
Hoho.
I don't like all-about-my-life posts,so I'll end here.
AQILAH is a meaner.
She can say goodbye to knowing any of the Part A's secrets.For the time being.Right, Aqilah?(:
We will be damn well sure about that, yeah.
&&who said we can't talk to seniors who aren't in NCC?
so we are one, and you are nil.hoho.
bear it.
Went army-market shopping today, after lots of complications in school, like losing my temporary ez-link card.hoho. I'm getting forgetful.
Raqibah's not in the picture but she looks like some I/C now after she cut her fringe. Especially when she pins it up. ahah(: If she sees this, she's gonna kill me,yo.But they could be related,with their similarities:
1)They both were from tps.
2)They cut their fringe from the same salon.
3)They both live in the same estate.
;D
This post is just so all-about-my-life.
Hoho.
I don't like all-about-my-life posts,so I'll end here.
AQILAH is a meaner.
She can say goodbye to knowing any of the Part A's secrets.For the time being.Right, Aqilah?(:
We will be damn well sure about that, yeah.
&&who said we can't talk to seniors who aren't in NCC?
so we are one, and you are nil.hoho.
In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
9:16 PM
Because tonight's the night
The world begins again
Yesterday was pure embarassing, today was just plain crappy . In the sense of both good and bad.
embarrassing.embarrassing.embarrassing. Ergh . Don't want to talk about it.I feel like making this damn thing private but I ask myself, Why make it private when nobody much is going to see it? But I can't bring myself to see if my last posts have that bloody word.I'll basically wallow myself into a deeper myriad of self-embarrassment and I will never look them in the eye.Ever.Again.
&
hoho. It's A-r-c-h-u-l-e-t-a. Hazirah thinks he looks potentially gay.
Today was yeah.crappy.Something almost-embarrassing came out during PSGM,though.
Our PSL said ,"Who admires their seniors?" And she raised up her hand . And I was silently cursing myself for ever telling her and expected the worst but she had put down her hand. Thank God.
I could have died if she told the PSLs, even so if one of them is my CCA senior .
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
5:21 PM
almost liked you today.
has she replied?/as in what, she has?/Idk, brb./RAHIMAH ROCKS:D/soooo./BRB./Is she sweet?/Well, obviously./hmm. HAS SHE REPLIED OR NOT SUCKAA?/no, but she chatting./with you?/duh/HER VOICE ROCKS&&SO DOES SHE/did she mention anything about just now?/no/goooooood/her voice soft and sweet/yep:D/see.I told you you were paiseh-ed/she's sprints with you right?/hahha.youla/yep:D/I didn't know she was so touchy-feely/coolio/haha nothing.she just say she malas to reply.fake kn/SHE'S TRACK CAPTAIN/hahaiknowiknow/lotsa seniors are online today lah seh whee~/obviously/you Baboon/meaner/I know your dirty little secret/remember to./or you will have to run/too bad you quit NCC ahah/I'm so sad there's no school next week/SARAH LOVES CHRIST/yeah seyh./There's no NCC no tarian no nothing/gantunging with sec 4s ONLY is like the best thing/that could ever happen this year/Kawainess/with you/oh gosh.
that little ramblings.
i miss you like never before(:
I know you're busy but you still made time to be my valentine.
has she replied?/as in what, she has?/Idk, brb./RAHIMAH ROCKS:D/soooo./BRB./Is she sweet?/Well, obviously./hmm. HAS SHE REPLIED OR NOT SUCKAA?/no, but she chatting./with you?/duh/HER VOICE ROCKS&&SO DOES SHE/did she mention anything about just now?/no/goooooood/her voice soft and sweet/yep:D/see.I told you you were paiseh-ed/she's sprints with you right?/hahha.youla/yep:D/I didn't know she was so touchy-feely/coolio/haha nothing.she just say she malas to reply.fake kn/SHE'S TRACK CAPTAIN/hahaiknowiknow/lotsa seniors are online today lah seh whee~/obviously/you Baboon/meaner/I know your dirty little secret/remember to./or you will have to run/too bad you quit NCC ahah/I'm so sad there's no school next week/SARAH LOVES CHRIST/yeah seyh./There's no NCC no tarian no nothing/gantunging with sec 4s ONLY is like the best thing/that could ever happen this year/Kawainess/with you/oh gosh.
that little ramblings.
i miss you like never before(:
I know you're busy but you still made time to be my valentine.
10:07 PM
I've learned how to be afraid of any type of insect. Even a pathetic little fly at the other end of the classroom.1 Purple Dinosaur freaked out when a mosquito flew over their heads. And I have no idea why, I started screaming too. We actually bought Baygon(: hahahaha.
I feel kind of retarded, but nice that we bought Baygon. Don't ask me why. My feelings are all jumbled up these days.
I feel awkward with you being my PSL. I can't even look you in the eye. And I can't speak out or joke with you like I used to. And you can't comfort me when I cried like you used to.
This poem is lovely:
Rain
It's one of these days when you just want to cry
Fall on the ground and scream you could die
The sky seems dark all around your head
Would it be better if you were dead?
Your tears fall like raindrops into your soul
Your world has begun to spin out of control
What you need is too far out of reach
There are so many lessons in pain you could teach
When you think about tomorrow;it's another lousy day
Sure you want a hint of happiness, but it doesn't work to play
Maybe you can find what you are looking for
But one good thing will leave you wanting more
Why is your life so bad?
Why are you always sad?
Why must it be this way?
Does this rain have to stay?
~Trisha Rionotis~
Fell in love with David Archuletta. Thanks a bunch, Kak Nurul.
It's one of these days when you just want to cry
Fall on the ground and scream you could die
The sky seems dark all around your head
Would it be better if you were dead?
Your tears fall like raindrops into your soul
Your world has begun to spin out of control
What you need is too far out of reach
There are so many lessons in pain you could teach
When you think about tomorrow;it's another lousy day
Sure you want a hint of happiness, but it doesn't work to play
Maybe you can find what you are looking for
But one good thing will leave you wanting more
Why is your life so bad?
Why are you always sad?
Why must it be this way?
Does this rain have to stay?
~Trisha Rionotis~
Fell in love with David Archuletta. Thanks a bunch, Kak Nurul.
5:47 PM
and after all, you're my wonderwall.
School was nice but I'm not sure if I should speak up that I don't really like you that much at all now. Been thinking of frankness,trepidation,forgiveness.How to give it, how to take it back.To.Just.Be.Yourself.
Every day I'm reminded that I'm one day closer to losing them. And I don't want that to happen. Maybe I guess I should just accept.
I feel like something's following me. Reassuring, but scary at the same time. Scary in such that you know something is behind you and you don't want to look back but you still want to at the same time and your heartbeat suddenly paces faster and eventually you calm yourself down and sum up the courage to look back.
And nothing's there.
A really sexist joke on the 98.7fm morning show made me laugh to tears.
Happy tears, which is in itself an oxymoron.
Every day I'm reminded that I'm one day closer to losing them. And I don't want that to happen. Maybe I guess I should just accept.
I feel like something's following me. Reassuring, but scary at the same time. Scary in such that you know something is behind you and you don't want to look back but you still want to at the same time and your heartbeat suddenly paces faster and eventually you calm yourself down and sum up the courage to look back.
And nothing's there.
A really sexist joke on the 98.7fm morning show made me laugh to tears.
Happy tears, which is in itself an oxymoron.
~staring blankly ahead, just making my way,making my way,through the crowd.~
8:55 PM
my youth is spent; but i am not old;
went to HQ today to collect our uniforms.
&yes,my uniform looks cool,yo;looked good on about everybody.
history.history.
I have CT post-boredom.
I keep wondering why it's his-story.
where is her-story?
when they feel disappointed, i do too.
when they laugh and giggle, i feel the urge to do the same.
but yet we are apart by a barrier; taller than any dame.
I feel an urge to go to the top of the world.
My hopes are there,just not the confidence.
Just not that.
&yes,my uniform looks cool,yo;looked good on about everybody.
history.history.
I have CT post-boredom.
I keep wondering why it's his-story.
where is her-story?
when they feel disappointed, i do too.
when they laugh and giggle, i feel the urge to do the same.
but yet we are apart by a barrier; taller than any dame.
I feel an urge to go to the top of the world.
My hopes are there,just not the confidence.
Just not that.
She said jia-you!And I want to be a survivor.Only sometimes, it's hard not to give up.To just let go.And break down.
8:31 PM
haha hi.today cool lah.HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!cedar semangs valentine's day.hahas.really.got song dedications and all.i got lots of presents:)haha mostly food lah.&& tomorrow i DOONT WANT to go tarian!!I don't want to meet INstructor Rizal or whoever he is.I want to go HQ and show everyone what Cedar NCC-ians are really made off:]
i read my last posts and realized i belo-ed quite a lot and was being quite unfair to NCC.cos i said alot about it.So I'm making this bloggeh private.And if you can see this blog;it means
I LIKE YOU ONE HELL OF A LOT:D
ok i have to do stuff.
stuff.
you don't need to know.
Live it well,be the best.-Alpha '08
6:13 PM
I'm having C&T now and I finsished my Photoshop thingy ready so yah.can do whatever i want.including Friendster(:
NCC meeting today during recess.going to discuss lots of stuff.
okk.
period just ended.
bye.
8:38 AM
woot.i can't finish this compo crap.icanticanticant.
sholly-dolly you owe me so much.
ergh;
bring 2 1.5l bottles tomorrow.
& BH.
or Cikgu Mahani will yakyakyak.
discuss with platoon mates V-Day presents.aim to respect i/cs more.think of code for whole platoon.strive to eat recess with them from now on.
GOOD.
I'm becoming a better platoon mate and Cedar NCC-ian.
(:
whee~
k.
i'm childish.
2:40 PM
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